#88 “I’m ready to go”

by Scott Donaldson

Editor’s note: Hello all. We’re going to try to get a dream (and illustration) to you every week. Keep sending them in!  Illustration by Scott Donaldson

Jack Black and I were walking onto the street. There was a rally of goth Armageddonists that were talking about how the end was coming on Tuesday, and that’s when everyone would pay for their sins. They were in military uniforms, and they had on hats that looked like the heads of buffalo, which kind of reminded me of the beasts from Where the Wild Things Are. Jack and I decided to get out of there as quickly as we could before they started to turn on the people around them. As we walked into a bar, I saw something giant emerge and the ground started to shake. Jack just continued to walk in but I ran around to the back of the bar. As buildings were being crushed and people were screaming, I ran in and found Jack sitting on a chair calmly. I asked why he wasn’t scared and he said “I’m ready to go”. The front of the building began to be crushed by the giant whatever-it-was, and I ran to the back of the building, where the door was open. Through the window I could see nothing but dust in the air and silhouettes of running bodies fall to the ground and become lifeless. That’s when something hit me in the head and I went unconscious.

The dream didn’t end there though. I was awoken when I was being shaken by a talking rabbit. He explained to me that it had been the final judgment and now we had to get to the train. He said that only a couple million people were left. I’m assuming the train was going to Heaven. We got on the train and took our seats. There was a mixture of mostly children and fluffy, cartoonish animals on this train. I’m an adult so I wondered to myself why I was still worthy of Heaven if most adults weren’t, judging by the demographic of the train car. The animals didn’t even cross my mind. As the train began to move, waiters came by and handed us menus without saying anything. It had every food on it imaginable. As each person asked for something, it would just appear in the waiters’ hands, and the waiter would hand it to them without even looking. One girl then said “I’ll have one of everything on the menu”. The waiter did look at this girl and everyone went silent. At this point the little girl disappeared. At this point I woke up without knowing if the train was actually going to Heaven.

#70: “…this absurd four-foot drink with a life sized umbrella…”

Last night I dreamed that I was at a hotel bar for four different dates and I was apparently going to juggle all of them. The first was my boyfriend, a very “Lil Wayne”-looking guy with a bad attitude and drove a Ford Festiva. We got into a fight in the parking lot about money and other girls he was sleeping with (hoes?) and I went inside the hotel without him. I met a real life friend-of-a-friend there who was all dressed up in a sequin jumper to steal my former boyfriend and was planning to get me drunk, ditch me, and have him to herself. She met me at the door with this absurd four-foot drink with a life sized umbrella and acted all chummy. She led me to the bar, but on the way I saw my third date for the evening, my real-life female friend who I glimpsed through the women’s restroom doors. She was inside with a giant paint-roller, painting the walls and crying! She wore a cassette player on her belt and I could faintly make out Fall Out Boy. The friend-of-a-friend acted like it wasn’t a big deal, after all, less obstacles for her to get to my “Lil Wayne” boyfriend.

We were just sitting down when I noticed my real-life boyfriend in the corner of the bar wearing a cast around his leg and eying me. He looked upset. He took me outside to the Ford Festiva, Lil Wayne had since gone missing, and spilled out his true feelings of jealousy about me having a black boyfriend and how he’s probably way better in bed. Only instead of black he kept saying “hyper-African American.” Finally, we got that straightened out and I helped him limp back into the bar, by this time my third date had come out of the bathroom and was in the friend-of-a-friend’s arms crying over something. The latter had one ear bud in her ear and I could see she was starting to tear up, too. I went to the bar and ordered something a bit more reasonable in size, a vodka tonic w/ lime.

#14: “I looked over and the bus was understandably trashed.”

I dreamed I was driving a big transit bus towards Fon du Lac from Milwaukee on I-45. The weird thing was that I was driving it as if I was riding a horse, on top of the bus with reins. I got to Oconomowoc (which is weird because you have to take I-94 to get to Oconomowoc), and realized that I was supposed to be going to Chicago, so I wanted to turn around. I got off at an exit that elevated to an overpass. I pulled back on the reins as hard as I could to slow it down, but I couldn’t get it to slow down enough. I pulled back so hard that I fell over the left side of the bus and was using my weight to pull the reigns even more. The bus veered left and went over the side of the overpass to the freeway below. Before it fell, I jumped off onto the overpass. I looked over and the bus was understandably trashed. All of a sudden, gunshots rang out and started hitting the tailpipe of the bus and ricocheting in my direction. I was so confused, but I ran to a cop who had witnessed the whole thing and yelled “They’re shooting!”. He looked annoyed by me, but he went over to a woman with a gun in her hand and cuffed her without a problem. She was standing with two men. Apparently, they had just come out of a bar and all three were intoxicated. One man was her ex-boyfriend, the other was her husband. She had made out with the ex-boyfriend in front of the husband. For some reason this made her go outside and shoot the tailpipe on a crashed bus. The ex-boyfriend said to the husband, “Whatever, she’s my ex-girlfriend,” and shrugged, making it seem as if he couldn’t be blamed for making out with this dude’s wife. The husband, on the brink of tears, said, “This is my marriage.” I don’t think I ever faced any consequences for the crash before I woke up.

  • About DoPYWNM

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  • This blog is an experiment. When I wake up, I immediately write down what I've dreamed, as humans lose memory of most of their dreams within the first minutes of alertness. After doing this for a couple of months, I was left with a very interesting compilation. Rather than publish all of these, I decided it would be more interesting to compile those of many people.
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  • -T.J.
  • Submit Your Dreams

    Submit them in the comments section of the "Submit Your Dreams" page. Don't worry, we can't see your e-mail address, and you don't have to leave your name. Or, e-mail dreams to dreamsofpeople@gmail.com