#88 “I’m ready to go”

by Scott Donaldson

Editor’s note: Hello all. We’re going to try to get a dream (and illustration) to you every week. Keep sending them in!  Illustration by Scott Donaldson

Jack Black and I were walking onto the street. There was a rally of goth Armageddonists that were talking about how the end was coming on Tuesday, and that’s when everyone would pay for their sins. They were in military uniforms, and they had on hats that looked like the heads of buffalo, which kind of reminded me of the beasts from Where the Wild Things Are. Jack and I decided to get out of there as quickly as we could before they started to turn on the people around them. As we walked into a bar, I saw something giant emerge and the ground started to shake. Jack just continued to walk in but I ran around to the back of the bar. As buildings were being crushed and people were screaming, I ran in and found Jack sitting on a chair calmly. I asked why he wasn’t scared and he said “I’m ready to go”. The front of the building began to be crushed by the giant whatever-it-was, and I ran to the back of the building, where the door was open. Through the window I could see nothing but dust in the air and silhouettes of running bodies fall to the ground and become lifeless. That’s when something hit me in the head and I went unconscious.

The dream didn’t end there though. I was awoken when I was being shaken by a talking rabbit. He explained to me that it had been the final judgment and now we had to get to the train. He said that only a couple million people were left. I’m assuming the train was going to Heaven. We got on the train and took our seats. There was a mixture of mostly children and fluffy, cartoonish animals on this train. I’m an adult so I wondered to myself why I was still worthy of Heaven if most adults weren’t, judging by the demographic of the train car. The animals didn’t even cross my mind. As the train began to move, waiters came by and handed us menus without saying anything. It had every food on it imaginable. As each person asked for something, it would just appear in the waiters’ hands, and the waiter would hand it to them without even looking. One girl then said “I’ll have one of everything on the menu”. The waiter did look at this girl and everyone went silent. At this point the little girl disappeared. At this point I woke up without knowing if the train was actually going to Heaven.

#86 “…The tall, dark man was standing there watching me.”

I was walking past a hotel made of glass. It was about 10pm, and a tall man with dark hair grabbed me and said “You need to lock up for me tonight.” I said that was fine and followed him in. We walked into a big glass room which stood by itself and it had carpet made from glass. Then the tall man went back to the hotel to go to bed. I walked around taking it all in, looking at the swimming pool and all the guests who were walking around. I was tired so I laid down on the sofa to try and sleep. Just then I realized that I had forgotten to lock up. I got up quickly but there was already a small group of five foreign people who where yelling and complaining.

I got up and the first one asked me about his lay-by extention (…OK). I told him I didn’t know about the lay-by (same as lay-away for people in America :-) ) and he’d have to come back in the morning. The second was a Brazilian lady who was holding a baby and saying she just wanted to be treated like she speaks English as a first language. I just nodded and agreed with her.  “Of course, hon, ” I said although I could barely understand her. Finally I got rid of the crowd and locked up (the key looked a lot like the fitting room keys i have at my real work, lol). Then I went back to the sofa to sleep, as I was very tired by this stage. Then I realized the tall, dark man was standing there watching me. I told him I couldn’t sleep. So then he gave me an MP3 player that played me, like, static white noise that sent me to sleep………………… Then I woke up!!

#85: “It was like he knew what I had done.”

I had a dream my partner bought me a budgie. When he gave me the bird, he handed it to me in a plastic bag. It was lying on it’s back in the bag and unlike an actual budgie, it was 10 times larger than what a normal budgie would be. It was purple and I pulled it from the bag and had it sitting on my shoulder. Every time I looked at it, it tried to bite me. First it was my fingers then it was my face. It was constantly in my face, I could see the beak coming at me all the time. Then the dream jumped to me walking down a tiled corridor and coming across some kittens. The father cat was there but no mother. All the kittens were really healthy except for one ginger cat that had something terribly wrong with it’s eyes. They were weeping and spinning in there sockets. I took with me the healthy kittens and left the sick one behind. I went to my partner with them and he asked me what I had done with the sick one. It was like he knew what I had done. I told him that it was sick and it didn’t matter cause it was gonna die.

#81: “I contemplated running, but decided to stay and apologize profusely.”

I was in the changing room for a pool, which apparently happened to be in a mall. In this changing room as well were a girl I liked and some guy she was with. I was too busy spying on them as I walked out of the changing room to notice that I forgot to put on my swim trunks. By the time I realized it, I was out in the middle of the mall. I quickly realized it and started running. I ran smack dab into the stand of a conductor who’s orchestra was playing, the stand knocking the first violinist. I contemplated running, but decided to stay and apologize profusely. I explained, still cupping my balls so no one saw them, to some old lady with a microphone in interview-style that I was so sorry and that the only reason I was running was not because I was streaking, but because I forgot my swim trunks in the change room. The crowd laughed and was very forgiving. The violinist was revived at this point, but there was vomit all around her mouth. The lady with the microphone told me to hug this really geeky, vomitty girl, which I felt obligated to do. Then I said the obligatory “I’ll do anything to make it up to you”. Her eyes lit up and she told me to buy her some piece of sheet music. That’s when the dream ended.

#80: “…I could do nothing but squish as many as possible with my bare feet.”

I woke up in a room. There were no doors. There were no windows. The room was like a perfect box with absolutely nothing in it but a small hole in each wall at eye level. There was light. It wasn’t pitch black dark, even though there was no light source.

I walked over to one of the small holes and peeked inside. I saw something moving. Suddenly, these disgusting, weird alien-like bugs started to crawl out of the hole. Then they started to pour. They were filling up the room at a rapid rate and I could do nothing but squish as many as possible with my bare feet. The bugs started to climb up my body, and that’s when I noticed I wasn’t wearing any clothing. Each bug I squished splattered into vibrant colors like blotches of paint. When I couldn’t squish them any longer, the bugs and paint guts had filled up just above my knee and it was like standing in concrete. I was frozen, trying to move but I couldn’t do anything. I was forcing so hard, with all my strength but there was none there. I was weak and about to be eaten by these bugs. Then I woke up. I have this dream a few times a year.

#75: “She is NOT spending the night”

Last night I had a very odd dream. I dreamed that I broke up with my current boyfriend (who I live with, I’m a college student) for his best friend, whom I know. I was dating him for a while and went over to his place to hang out. We were hanging out for a while, and were in his bedroom. He left the room for a little while and I heard his mom yell from the other room, “She is NOT spending the night.” I got very angry at her and stormed out of their house. That is when I realized that he wasn’t the one for me, and I walked all the way back to my old place to beg my ex for forgiveness, and to beg him to take me back. Along the way somehow I came across a baseball diamond, which appeared to be part of a movie set. I don’t know how this was at all related to what was happening in the dream, but the guy whose house I had just left came after me, and that is when I woke up.

#66: “…unusually short and a little fat for a snake.”

I had this dream where I was standing on an armchair, in the middle of a room and a pretty scary looking taipan (a snake in Australia) slithered into the room and circled around the chair just constantly. Unlike an actual taipan, this snake was short… like, unusually short and a little fat for a snake. It still had that evil stare however. I wasn’t scared – I actually like snakes – I just watched this thing go up and down and curl around the chair. Weird.

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